Don't flush - I'm in danger of going round the bend

I love my job, but over the years there have been many times when things have got too much. Mostly I have dealt with this behind closed doors, late-night drinking with colleagues, letting off steam with office camaraderie or flatmates and subsequently my husband picking up the pieces at the end of another crazy day.

Agency life consists of intense workloads, long hours, late nights and crazy deadlines. It’s full on, exciting and challenging; part of why I love my career. But crikey, there have been some hellish times.

One incident sticks out firmly in my mind. In the middle of a particularly overwhelming time at work, I headed off to Staines around 5am, loading the boot with art bag, product stimulus and, in this case, a large ceramic toilet (all will become clear). I was on my way to a full day/evening concept clinic in Staines on new toilet cleaning tools. Oh the glamour, I hear you cry! The client team, flying in from Italy, was expected to arrive around 8.30am. For the first time, I was leading the sessions and anxious for everything to run smoothly. By my calculation, I would have plenty of time to arrive, lug the toilet down Staines high street, get set up and grab some breakfast before the day kicked off.

But the M25 had different plans for me that day. Junction 10, clockwise on the M25, witnessed one of my finest ‘breakdown’ moments. Just me, my car and a loo.

I was stressed, exhausted and anxious, the default position of my agency life back then. As the motorway traffic ebbed and flowed, the distant orange, flashing information boards were warning of bad news. Two lanes closed, severe delays, estimated waiting time at least 1.5 hours. In normal circumstances, I would have been annoyed, but that day I just couldn’t cope. As the car drew to a halt, my world came caving in. I punched the steering wheel, screamed at the top of my voice and the tears fell fast and furiously. It was no doubt the accumulation of a prolonged period of crazy working hours, intense stress and insufficient support.

Eventually I arrived in Staines, ’flushed’ and puffy eyed. Much later than planned, it was already busy, so I had to park further away than I wanted. This left me with the unenviable task of trudging all the way down Staines High Street, red eyed and frantic, with a giant toilet in my arms. On arrival, I puffed and panted up the stairs, hugging the toilet as I went, feeling defeated before the day had even begun.

My clients had arrived, nothing was ready and there was a sense of agitation in the air. Despite the desire to hide down the loo I was still holding, I switched into professional mode. Within 20 minutes I’d briefed the viewing facility on all my needs, briefed the clients on the process for the day, and organised the stimulus, all while being briefed on the usability of the prototypes. All ‘cisterns’ go. Lights, camera, action!

And this was by no means an isolated case. Flying in from a working day in Hamburg to an all-nighter in the office, as the debrief for the following day had yet to be written. Meeting my husband at a Heathrow hotel so I could see him for the night, before heading off on my third long-haul trip of the month. Attending a new client meeting, heavily pregnant and with a sickness bug to boot, because ‘no one else could make it!’ I was actually sick on the train and half-way through the client meeting. At no point did I question that it was wholly wrong I was there, after all the show must go on, right?

Over the years, I have learnt that no matter what I’m feeling, I can put it to one side and get on with the task at hand. But at what cost? And is there a better way?

In truth, it was working for myself that broke the crazy pattern of stress, although it still has its moments. So, I’m delighted that mental fitness is beginning to gain credibility in the business world. Building workplace resilience is so important and we are all more valuable when we are fit and well.

So what have I learnt along the way…

· Learn to say no – your job does not depend on it

· Have honest and open conversations with clients and your team about what is realistic

· Ask for help, don’t sweat it alone, especially now, with so many of us working from home

· Lean on your colleagues, because there will be a time when they need you just as much

· When the momentary lulls come, enjoy them! Always being the last person standing is not a badge of honour

· When it gets too much, trust your instincts and act to stop yourself going round the bend!